back, with more reflection
5:49 AM
Gosh, I've never felt so emotionally drained in a day before =X well, you can say that all my life, i've been used to accepting setbacks as part of life, and that it's normal, but not so many at once...this is just insane, but what's keeping me still up and going, i guess, is 1. that i'm following God's will, and 2. that i don't want to people to feel disappointed in me anymore. All my life, i did things only for 2 people, God and myself, but i never understood or realise that my actions would haunt me and disappoint people's expectations of me. Ever. So I just continue doing stuff that isn't good, but i've realised that i hold responsibilities, in everything that i do, and i've got to consider my actions more thoroughly from now on, i feel so bad that i've let down my parents,my teachers and my family in something that i thought wasnt important, which was studies. Yep, probably you may say that at least it isn't too late, and yes, i must say that at least it isn't too late, and i shall do all i can, to wipe off that disappointment on their faces and in their hearts, and strech myself to where ever i can go, and make them proud. it's not a choice, it's a duty. though i really feel like saying "Man i need god" or "i wish god were by my side", i ain't gonna do that, because it would be so selfish to call god to help me with something wrong that i have done, but i hope he would just give me the holy spirit to guide me. that would be enough.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
what's life without tennis`
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